The Couple's Table
The Couple’s Table is a livestream podcast hosted by Heather Ramirez and Tom Buck. Join us, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall podcast and stuff!
The Couple's Table
Why Comments Can Hurt
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Just ignore negative comments? How to deal with constant feedback from strangers? Let's talk about it.
Mike Mena’s Language Videos:
Part 1: https://youtu.be/Sc4JHPSu--s
Part 2: https://youtu.be/hi22_Ldxw5k
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Hello and welcome. My name is Tom.
SPEAKER_02And I'm Heather.
SPEAKER_00And you're sitting at the Couples Table.
SPEAKER_02The Couples Table is a live stream podcast here on this YouTube channel. Join us for better or worse.
SPEAKER_00For richer or poorer.
SPEAKER_02In sickness and in health.
SPEAKER_00As long as we both shall stream and as long as I also check the audio levels of how's the audio?
SPEAKER_02Oh, oh, how's the audio? Oh, oh, we gotta test out the mics, but there's a 30-second delay. Oh, that sounds good.
SPEAKER_00You sound amazing. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Hello, everybody. Shout out to the early peeps. We didn't have a pre-show today because we had a very fun just create more mixer.
SPEAKER_00A wine mixer.
SPEAKER_02Shout out to SimplyOps, Chip Griffin, Keith White, Jared Spain Curiosity Network Podcast, Out in the Wild with Joni Gaze, Mr. Camera Junkie, Spiral Lab, MyFave Tech.
SPEAKER_00From Buckeye, Arizona. I've got two Buckeyes right here.
SPEAKER_02Robotrix, the Rambling Vlogger, and Ken Arald from Norway. Hello, everybody. And Action Crypto in the house too. Yay. All right. You spray painted this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this is quite the hodgepodge right now because this is the base. I'm using the Shore Super 55, which is one of my favorite mics.
SPEAKER_02This is Tom Buck Blue, though. That's not. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, they're pretty close. This is one of my favorite mics, but I never use it because it's very hard to mount. Um, but I really, really like it. And so this is the actual Shore stand from like the 1950s. They're very readily available on eBay, but it was really ugly, so I repainted it. But the mic still wasn't high enough. So then I put this little thing here, and now it's it's hodgepodged together, but it works great.
SPEAKER_02I have to do this before we continue. Oh, Mike's here. Yeah, I have to do this before we continue. But Mike, um Mike Mena, if you well, everybody go to the video description underneath this video, and you will see links to two videos, and they are from Mike's channel, and that's what we're gonna be talking about.
SPEAKER_00I hope that's okay with you, Mike. He'll teach you to email me.
SPEAKER_02Um also we have two people from Norway. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_00Norway.
SPEAKER_02You are you're on fire today.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know what? If people don't like it, they'll leave angry comments about it. That's my transition into today's topic.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so first of all, before we get into today's topic, uh we were very um apprehensive about today's topic. We're we're an advocate.
SPEAKER_00Well, how to approach it? So this is something it's it's sort of this is uh, I think a very good related thing to a podcast I did this week. Yes. Um the Enthusiasm Project podcast. It's kind of connected to the most recent episode there, which is called The Internet is a Loud, Angry Place. And this sort of builds on that because for a lot of reasons, but also because weird things have happened, like literally since I recorded that episode to now. And I've come to realizations, Heather's come to realizations, and it's an important thing to talk about, but I was kind of hesitant. One of the reasons was because I know we've talked about comments and feedback and negative comments and feedback before many times, and the last thing I'd want is people like, oh boo-hoo, like it's just that YouTube is talking about comments again. But I think we have a specific angle that is really interesting that I we haven't talked about before and I haven't heard before.
SPEAKER_02It's like it's such a weird thing to talk about because it's like where I get comments, like but like if you know me and you know this show, and this is on my channel, like I really thought about it and I was like, okay, I'm a content creator advocate and a digital literacy advocate and have been since day one, and part of promoting that advocacy is having these tough conversations that my gut instinct is like, ooh, this is kind of weird to talk about, but I mean, because it's hard to talk about, I think it's worth talking about, right? Um, but like not gonna lie the whole time, like all morning, we're like, should we talk about this?
SPEAKER_00Well, so we'll kind of I we'll navigate it as best we can. Um but a big thing that really helped was one of the most common pieces of advice you get as a YouTuber or someone who gets comments or feedback from people on the internet is just ignore it. It's negative, just ignore it, focus on the positive. And that is okay, I shouldn't say it's terrible advice. It might work for some people. Some people are just built in a way where they can do that. I don't agree with that at all. And I think that it is generally not great advice at all, and and potentially harmful because it's it's not practical, and it's going to make people feel even worse when they realize they can't ignore stuff. And to even take it a step further, I kind of feel as though if you're going to ignore the negative stuff, then that means you need to ignore everything. Because as a human, I don't know how it's possible to keep my mind and like heart and feelings open to positive stuff, but then closed to negative stuff. Like I don't have that filter built in. So it's either like I have to be able to feel and appreciate everything, or I have to block it all out.
SPEAKER_02And I think that's the the part, because I've sure we've talked about this many times, but the thing that like really frustrates me about the just ignore it angle is that if like okay, I'll speak for myself, okay, because I don't want to say, oh, it's easy for everybody. For me, if if there is a comment that really upsets me or bothers me in a way, and then someone tells me to ignore it, but I I even though I'm telling myself to ignore it, I'm still thinking about it, then it makes me feel worse because like I'm just so incapable of getting over this thing that this stranger said on the internet. And no matter how much I rationalize and try to reason with myself, like, look at all the good things. This person has no idea what they're talking about, like this person doesn't know, or they're wrong, or whatever, like it still feels like I'm still bothered by it. And that's why I feel like it is invalidating to your humanity, right? To you as a human who feels things, to just tell somebody to ignore it. So um I think since many of us are content creators, um, I think we understand a troll comment.
SPEAKER_00There's a troll comment, those are very easy to ignore.
SPEAKER_02There's uh, you know, there's stupid comments, like when we say negative comment, I don't I'm sure we picture something. The things that are easy to ignore, like if someone were to call me like, you know, I don't know, you're you're dumb, you're stupid, you're ugly, whatever, those have no impact on me because it it doesn't like substitute me for any other creator, and if it could still apply, then it's like, well, who cares? You know, that those are really, really easy to ignore. It's the same way as if I see spam, like super easy to ignore. This is a troll who is trolling everywhere. It's the ones where they're personal in a very strange way, whether they point out an insecurity that I have um, you know, I I've mentioned this comment before, but when I got into my first car accident, I did a live stream like as soon as I got home because I don't know why. That was like I I was processing, and that was like the thing I decided to do. Um and the reason why was because I was like, okay, I'm documenting my journey as authentically as possible. At the time, six years ago, all the entrepreneurial videos were people like these dudes standing in front of their Lamborghinis, and I was like in front of my Camaro that I had just crashed. Thankfully I was okay, but someone in that someone had watched the replay and said like uh said something like, Oh, so you expect us to support you by donating to your Patreon so you could live life however you want and do whatever you want. Because in that stream, someone asked me, like, oh, do you have a Patreon or somewhere where we can live? Whatever. I wasn't trying to like fundraise or get donations, but someone had asked, and so I said, and like that comment sent me reeling. Like, I just started crying because I was so freaking frustrated. I don't know where that guy is or anything, but like I remember it to this day, you know, and it was a v it was like it's something that I thought about. Those are the kind of comments that I'm talking about, where it's like maybe you've been around long enough to get real specific about the thing that you're talking about. It's not something that's just like this guy's ugly, like, you know, whatever. Like, I hate purple, your jokes suck. Like, those to me are very like you don't even know me, Matt, whatever. Right. But it's the ones that are like, I feel uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_00Like, yeah, those are just something you know, your gut feels away about things. I was talking to somebody over this weekend about they were talking, they're somebody who has like a an online following, and they they were talking about a couple different interactions between like followers they had in real life, and we were we were talking about how it could be the exact same thing from two different people, but your gut can tell you something is off on one, even though if you wrote out the Hollywood script for it, the lines would be identical, but there's something off about one and something not off about the other. And it's it's sort of the same thing with comments, and every comment is well, not every comment, the ones that aren't by spam bots and stuff are tied from real people. And it might be something really quick. This video's dumb, this video is great, whatever. They're not thinking about it five seconds after they write it. But you don't know that, I guess. You don't know the context of the person or anything, you just see the thing that they shared and it affects you, how it's going to affect you, and there's no way around that. And that's why we'll dive into this a little bit more. But we talked about Mike's videos. My podcast this week was it centered a lot about the around the Rodcaster Pro 2, but not the device, but the like backlash I got from it, because there was a group of people who were unhappy with some of the features it did or didn't have, which I think are objectively wrong. And I I go into it in the thing. It's frustrating. Um, but for some reason, instead of like submitting feedback to road or something, even though they've kind of already addressed the issues, uh, which weren't even issues in the first place, it's just squeaky wheel gets the grease. Instead of doing that, I became the place to go for all of that to a point where it wasn't just like YouTube comments where I can choose. I might not be able to ignore the good ones, the bad ones, send them out, but I can choose not to look at them for today or tomorrow or whatever. It was every email account that I have. I have like six different emails for different things, both private and public. All of them, even ones that aren't public, getting feedback from this. It was every social media account getting direct messages and like direct post tags, whatever. It was then even on other sites like Reddit. So the end of the day comes, and I'm just trying to like turn my brain off by you know just reading random things as I fall asleep. And then literally I see like my name pop up in Reddit threads about people who are awful and terrible. And it's like, wow, this is really hard to not take personal and to not feel bad about. But I know the the objective thing is like, just ignore it, man. They don't know you. Yeah, I know they don't, but you know what? Really sucks when you literally can't escape it from anything. And and they're all wrong. They're all wrong, and I can't correct it. I can't, I can't one by one explain how wrong they are objectively. I can't do it. And it's so frustrating because I I love context, I hate inaccuracy, I hate bullying and meanness, and this is just all of that. It's bullying and meanness with no context or accuracy. And that's just what I was surrounded by for weeks on end, and it really bothered me. So I recorded a podcast episode about it, and I I was very hesitant at the end. I was like, I don't know if I should actually put this up, so I had Heather listen to it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like he never does that. Yeah, he just and he was like, I I actually might not even publish this one. I was like, let me listen to it. And it it and I heard it and it was great. And if you've heard it, like he's gotten really good feedback, and if you haven't heard it yet, I definitely recommend it. Yes, and it just it comes down to like this is such a weird thing to talk about. And I think like the thing that are I finally decided, like, let's do an episode on this because there's this, it's that like weird gap between we're all figuring out how to make a YouTube channel, and then gold play buttons, millions of subscribers, it's so loud, these people don't even read your comments, and then there's the weird part in between, right? And it's that in between part where it's not even so much the channel size, but just because you've been on the internet and been creating content for six years now, like there's bound to be something that you've created that someone disagrees with or whatever. And it's very interesting because luckily, like I luckily, a lot of the people who comment on my stuff are are you guys. It's like the couples table people, it's you know, and I've mentioned it very several times before. I don't want a silver play button, I don't want to grow that big, I don't want to invite people who don't want to be here to be here. Like, I I just want to make a living doing what I love and talking about what I want to talk about, and doing that with the people who share the same interests. It has been very interesting to be married to someone who is going through this growth process like from zero to a hundred K. It's very because nothing has changed. This is the same Tom that I met on day one who has never done a live stream before, had no idea how to do YouTube, it's the same person. But I think what's what I I've noticed is happening is that the closer you get to 100k, I don't know, the more negativity there is.
SPEAKER_00I think I mean it's I think there's a point I I want to finish, but I think when it comes to that, it's like if there's a certain number for everybody, whatever it might be to some people, a channel with four million is a small channel, you know. But there's a certain thing where it's like independent of the content, they see those numbers, those vanity metrics, and that changes their perspective on the thing. And suddenly, you know, what could have just been a like a little person making a video by themselves now is some like you're just trying to get ad whatever you're just trying to do. And it's like the video is the same, but the person. So what I was trying to get to, the point I was trying to get to before, um, was the thing about that podcast that I want to be clear about is I didn't record that episode until I felt like I had some practical solutions and thoughts. So it is good because it talks about like practical things you can do, everything from limiting the amount of time you're exposed to stuff to like adding blocked words lists. Like I tried to be very practical with it. But because of that, that's where Mike sent me an email where Mike is all about language and the power of language and how language works. And I have an English degree, and I feel like I don't even speak English after watching some of his stuff. Um, so he he sent a really nice email that kind of put things in perspective in a neat way, and a couple of videos that sort of helped explain the why behind it. So those videos are linked in the description here, which are super interesting. And it's all about the fact that language, written language, does have, or language in general, not just written, language has an effect on the real world. And so it essentially becomes impossible, like words hurt, words cause problems. A big example Mike uses in the video is if somebody says, I now pronounce you married, things change, right? If the right person says it at the right time, the mood changes, a situation changes, everything changes. If you just go outside right now and I just started shouting at our neighbors, I now pronounce you married, nothing would change except that someone would probably call the police on me, even though I didn't say call the police. That's probably what would happen because this guy's gone crazy over here. Um, so like words affect things. And when it comes to even typed out comments on the internet, they have the power to affect you, to affect your mood, your perception of things. They can also make you feel attacked. There's also, like I mentioned earlier, there's no chance for me to like retort really. I guess I could write something back to the person, but that it feels very like impotent and ineffective. And if it's not in a situation where you can delete it, you know, like if it's on your thing, you could probably delete it. But if you can't, that means it's just there. Like when I come across like those Reddit threads or whatever, it's like, uh, well, unless the person decides to delete this, it's just always gonna be here. And every time somebody 12 years from now Googles something, this thread could potentially pop up, and uh, that's just always gonna be there, and nothing I can do about that. And that hurts, and it's not crazy to admit to yourself that that sucks and it hurts and it messes with you and it gets in your mind. So that was my main point that I wanted to cover there and contextualize why those links are in the description.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Okay, let's peek into the comments really quick. Kat says negative comments hit you in the emotional part of the brain, not the logical part. They do.
SPEAKER_00And I should say too, when we talk about negative versus positive, it's not saying like all the comments should just be telling us how great we are.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, but a positive comment could also just be like, you're engaging with the stuff. You're talking about the subject, you're asking a question, you're you know, talking to other people in the comments. Like those are all positive. They doesn't have to be just ego inflation.
SPEAKER_02Uh 100,000 thumbs up and one thumbs down still equals out to one thumbs down.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't erase it.
SPEAKER_02The only reason it can hurt is because you care. Um, Ken says, if you've first have read the negative comment, it's more or less impossible to ignore it.
SPEAKER_00Because it's in your brain, right? You can't be like, oh no, never mind. Erase it. Yeah. We need an entire live stream on toxic positivity and how it's harmful. As a former educator, let me tell you, yes.
SPEAKER_02Let's see, Mons and Media. I think when you are a smaller creator, it hits a bit harder because you don't really get a lot of comments at first. See, well, that's my thing though. I I feel like I feel like it hits hard no matter what. Yeah. But what sucks, what I imagine happens, I can't say this for sure because I am also a smaller creator, but I think what happens based on what I'm seeing with Tom is that you eventually become jaded to all comments. Like the good ones also don't hit as much because you see so many bad ones that you have to you have to do a defensive mechanism and then like then I want to make a note because there's a point I want to come back to at some point. You know, because look, the difference between 11,000 subscribers, which is what I have, and a hundred thousand, which is pretty much what Tom has, like, is a lot. That is a very big difference. But we're the same like I don't a lot of what we do is the a lot of what we do is the same. Sorry, my screen's overturned on. Um, like Tom is still able to read every comment if he wanted to, like, the volume has definitely increased, but like it still hurts, you know? Like it's still not hurt anybody.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I've heard creators with tens of millions of subscribers talking about, like, you know, they scroll through and they just happen to see the one that you know it it doesn't matter that you have objective evidence to the contrary, like nobody likes hearing negative things. And one of the things that I mentioned in the podcast episode was you really can start it really starts messing with your brain in a strange way. Where the example I use in that was somebody left a thing that was like, I I the Rodcaster 2 seems cool, but I wish it were built as good as the original one. It's built like garbage, it's super cheap and plasticky. And I was like, okay. No, like it's not even an opinion because I have both of them right here, and I can feel the build quality, and they're both good, but the new one is objectively better, better built. It's more durable, it's more sturdy, it's all those things. I'm holding them and I'm feeling them, but then there's several people left comments of that, and it's like, I'm I'm starting to second guess, like, maybe I'm missing something. Like, do I not know what metal feels like? Do I not know what makes something stir? Like, even though I'm literally physically like touching the things, I have the evidence right here. They've probably never even owned one. And you start second guessing yourself. So it does play with your brain in this weird way when you start hearing those things. If you're like, no, you know, like my stupid jokes are fun, but then you get you know a bunch of people saying, like, knock it off, your channel will be more successful if you didn't do this. This is annoying to see. Oh, yeah, I've been getting getting ones where people are like, uh it it'll often come across because sometimes people leave something like, Wow, I like your channel. I w you know, you should have more subscribers or whatever, which is you know a very nice thing for someone to say. And then below it, this has happened a couple times. People will go, um, his channel would do so much better if he would just stop with the jokes. And it's like okay. Thanks.
SPEAKER_02It reminds me of this. So Spiral Lab says, mostly I'm able to ignore stupid negative comments. I recently add a comment that really got under my skin. It was framed as supportive, but it was really mean and thoughtless, and it shook me. Yeah, because you're not asking for that criticism. Well that it You're not asking for that feedback.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02It reminds me of a comment I got. Uh someone was like, oh, this was super helpful, but um you talk with your hands too much and it's distracting. And I like I I was really annoyed. Like that really isn't.
SPEAKER_00That's like a part of who you are.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. It's like it's like telling someone with a lisp, like, yeah, your lisp is distracting. Like, I can't change that. That's just how I talk, you know?
SPEAKER_00And yeah. I don't know. It's it's also there's a thing too where it's like, okay, if I'm making a video about this microphone right here and I'm telling you about it, and and then you want to leave a comment that's like, oh, I noticed your level was a little low, you could do that. Like you that topic might invite constructive feedback on that topic. But when if I make a video about like, you know, a recent one was about Zoom settings. Okay, here's best settings for Zoom, this is what you should do here, blah, blah, blah. And then someone decides to leave comments about, like, I don't know, my studio lighting or my camera angle or editing, like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I this is not the place. Wasn't asking for constructive or deconstructive feedback on this video. Not at all. Just because it exists doesn't mean that you can then send me your feedback. That's not what this is for right now. And that's a thing that just because you put something out there, it's an open invitation for a lot of times for people to be critical in ways that you're not at all intending them to be.
SPEAKER_02Uh, on my live stream, I was talking about money, and I said, This is uncomfortable for me to talk about. And the comment was, yeah, that was really cru that really was cringy. And if you want people to support you, you need to offer more than just personal anecdotes.
SPEAKER_00God. And see, for someone who likes to connect with people on a personal level like you do, I can imagine why that would really sting because it's naturally gonna make you feel like this is what I do. Am I wrong to do?
SPEAKER_02Do I need to like Yeah, because now you qu especially as well.
SPEAKER_00And that person will never think about it again.
SPEAKER_02As creators, right? Like our whole thing, like we can't create if we're in the wrong mindset. And it just sucks that they're like, of course, I give these things power, but it's like I I don't know. I don't want to feel bad that it bothers me. I just don't want to feel bad that these things bother me, you know? No, no, because even I I know, like, I see how it's like just ignore it, but like I can't.
SPEAKER_00Because language has power, like that's the whole thing, right? Like, words have meaning, language has power.
SPEAKER_02Uh Young Joey says, I believe negative comments stem from jealousy of being a content creator. Because why would people spend the time hating if they themselves don't want that life themselves? It's all weird. It is weird.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that goes into something we'll maybe talk about later called hate watching.
SPEAKER_02Uh yes, I had people talk about my disability. It was, and tell me I'm arrogant and I'm stupid and all these vicious things. It can really get to you, especially if it hits you in a certain day. I mean any day, you know? It's just like, ugh. Um, also, I see that we got uh super chat from Auburn.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_02Thank you constantly supportive. Oh, thanks. You've got to remain true to yourself no matter the negative feedback. It's what makes you you. Why else would you put yourself out there? Your jokes are awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, and that's ultimately true.
SPEAKER_02And that's why we're talking about this. Because I feel like seeing seeing practical examples, like it's really easy to be like negative comments, ignore it. But when you see, like you guys know Tom, you watched his videos, and you he's telling you the exact comments that he's getting and why they bother him. I feel like that that is more helpful because then you can understand the context of like this isn't just like a casual comment in passing. It's like, you know, it's just it's different.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I had a I had a person go, um, it was the weirdest comment. Obviously, some people are just deranged as this person was, but I was using a certain adapter on a microphone, and they wrote a novel about like it started with, oh, look at you, cute little guy with like his little adapter there. Like, here's something you need to do. It's called going to college. And once you learn a few things and you get some life experience, and I was like, M Efer, I'm 36 with a master's degree. Like, what do you know? Like, chances are I'm older.
SPEAKER_02You also taught.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, also I was also a teacher. Like, also, who cares if I'm using a 90-degree XLR adapter on my microphone? Bitch. Sorry. Sometimes you just gotta make it.
SPEAKER_02Wait, we don't we don't have to roadcaster some belief out the things, okay?
SPEAKER_00How good though, I gotta say, sometimes you just gotta drop the B bomb.
SPEAKER_02You know what? This is the reality, okay? This is the reality. Mons on media. Fortunately, I'm not that big a channel yet, but I get the sell-out comment. The sellout comment every now and then. The sellout comment It's so stupid. It's so annoying because to me, it's like, why would you think that? Just I know that the cre I know there are people who have come before us that have sold out. That doesn't mean that anyone who does something similar has also sold out. There are many of us who care and are still just as passionate. This guy has a whole freaking ethics statement on his freaking no, but that just makes me a what is it, pretentious a-hole.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so you can't win when it comes to these things, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02But but again, I think it's important to have this conversation.
SPEAKER_00Well, that that's why it's frustrating because and that's what Mike had told me in his email was like you you these things that have impact and action are happening to you, and you have no way of actually counteracting them or defending yourself or or saying anything. It's not a dialogue, it's not like we're gonna have a conversation about something, and that's where it gets so frustrating because if someone's calling you a sellout and you know, like, what do you mean? Like, I I have not only values and things, but you know, like, okay, I talk about this thing on my channel, but I I went out and bought it, I like it, I use it, I'm talking about it. How am I gonna like literally?
SPEAKER_02Tom did not get paid for any of the roadcaster 2 content.
SPEAKER_00Zero dollars they sent the roadcaster, but I was gonna buy it anyway. So that was I don't want to say irrelevant because it's nice to get a free broadcaster, but uh but he would have definitely are you kidding?
SPEAKER_02You think he wouldn't have bought it if he couldn't get it? Like, of course he was gonna get it. So, like the whole sellout thing, just like it it I know it frustrates you, but it frustrates the hell out of me as your wife because it's like that's just wrong. Like, that's just I know him, and he's not that I don't know, whatever. That creative girl, yes, thanks. It was crippling when I first began content creation, but now I just block people and try to roll with the punches. Thank you so much. Yeah, you do that too.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, yeah. I have no problem using the hide user from channel and leaving comments and stuff.
SPEAKER_02We've gotten pretty good at like of of being more like um like if you have any inkling of should I hide this person, just do it. Like if you're already thinking about it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's already in my brain, but I do try to go like, okay, this is uncomfortable, get boom, and then I try to focus out, which then also goes back to a thing I went here because you mentioned that like you can get jaded by comments. A thing that's really been important, especially in the last few weeks. I've tried to do this for a long time, but it's really appreciate the positive ones. The negative things stick out more because they sting more, but to really sit there and spend equal time going, like, somebody not only like took the time to watch something that I made, but then to like leave a comment on it and to say something positive or related or interesting or whatever it might be. Like, you know, sometimes people share like a personal anecdote to their like to the video, like, oh, this reminds me of in 1993 I did this thing over here, and it's like that's super cool. Like, this person is telling a story here, and and even if you don't always reply to it, just like when someone says thank you on a video, it's just like that's cool. Like, that's cool that somebody liked this video enough or got something out of it, and I can't really say thank you.
SPEAKER_02How many times Tom will tell me, like, look at this nice message, look at this nice email, like, look at like we'd we do we spend more time talking about the like you just had a an email from a mom of an 11-year-old who wanted to do a consultation with Tom because he wants to set up a something for the something uh she is auditioning uh to be like a voice actor for voice roles, and I was like, this is super cool that this person, even though like I can't do the consultation because I schedule right now, it's really cool that they want to they trust me enough to help them with something that's really important. Like that's do you know how cool that is? Like, that's really cool, but also to appreciate how cool that is, you also have to, you know, you can't unless you're honestly like a sociopath, like turn off your brain, like um you're severed. Uh Kat says, I also really want Ecamp to hide the dislike reaction. So disheartening when you are live and trying to gauge with the comments.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Don't say anything.
SPEAKER_00I know it does. It's frustrating.
SPEAKER_02Uh Jack says, remember that only people doing something worthwhile get comments, including the negative ones.
SPEAKER_00I mean, there is that part of it too where if if you're doing something that people are gonna have a strong positive reaction to, that probably means there are people who are gonna have a strong negative reaction to it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Getting comments practiced to no let negative comments affect your mood.
SPEAKER_00It's it's constant state of steal yourself, like steal your mind.
SPEAKER_02Uh, NBA players get instructed not to read the comment section on their social media, from what I've heard. Katie gets slack for responding to total strange strangers' negative.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, can you imagine like you're going into an important game or something and someone just tells you how terrible you are? It doesn't matter that you're on the court as an NBA star and they're not, it could still throw you off just a little bit where now you're gonna miss a shot or you know be a little distracted or something.
SPEAKER_02Sebastian says it's hard not to let the 0.5% of comments get to you, but for the most part, you say, I won't let some goof affect my mood. For those that still do, give yourself seven minutes to be affected, uh affected, and then move on.
SPEAKER_00Acknowledge it. There's also like I have learned if if you know if I'm planning to record a video this morning or something, there's no way I'm checking comments on anything until the afternoon. Like, yeah, I'm gonna record it.
SPEAKER_02Are you kidding?
SPEAKER_00It just doesn't matter, it's not worth the race. Um, also, a lot of people like your jokes, so don't I mean I have fun with them too, and obviously that's one of those things, you know, because people like it, people are gonna dislike it. But it's like if you watch something and you hate it, but other people are clearly enjoying it, then it's just not for you, and that's fine.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's the thing just go find something this is the thing, like this is the thing that annoys me. That like it's it's just one of those very, very frustrating things that like feels impossible to address, like world freaking peace or something. Because it's just like I the problem is so obvious, but it's never gonna solve itself because people are people. And it's why do people hate watch? Why do people hate follow? Why do people hate subscribe? If something bothers you to any degree, leave.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like why do you want that on your if you hate Tom's jokes?
SPEAKER_02Then go. Like, you don't need to tell me every week that you're gonna joke. Because guess what?
SPEAKER_00Next week there's gonna be more.
SPEAKER_02Like, I like I don't under I don't understand. I don't get that. I cannot tell you how easy it is for me to unsubscribe to somebody. Like as soon, you know, I don't watch YouTube as often as Tom does, so like you know, I'll check my subscribe subscription box, and then there'll there will always be a video from a channel that I haven't seen in a while, and I'll be like, oh yeah, I remember when I subscribe to this, but you know, I'm not keto anymore, so I'm gonna unsubscribe. Big deal. There's no like, oh your content sucks, like you're stupid. Like, there's none of that. I just unsubscribe, it's that easy. And so I cannot help but think that if you are still here, even though the content bothers you to the point where now you are creating content about how much you hate this person's content, that says more about you than it does about the other person. That's true.
SPEAKER_00I think we're coming up on a comment from Nick that kind of addresses this, but we'll get to it when we get there.
SPEAKER_02Spiral lab. Uh talk about money was totally on point in that live stream, but it is uncomfortable and it's such a vulnerable thing for me. Right, right. And that's the thing. It's like it's also on a channel about neurodivergence, you know, where the you're coming to the table and we're already having uncomfortable conversations, and for now you to be like cringe, uh just just go or make your own channel. I don't know. Business growth ready. If someone classed it as a joke and must be funny, a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, maybe they are not happy people.
SPEAKER_00It's true. Let's see.
SPEAKER_02Words have meeting, words of power. Tom's starting to sound like Jordan Peterson.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if that's the way says, does negative comments cut into your creative flow?
SPEAKER_02Like it has has it ever affected your motivation to create? Of course.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, I know that was we s said that before, but yeah, not checking comments for. But just recently, there was a big thing that happened in the world.
SPEAKER_02Oh, this is where you cussed. Because I see the reactions now.
SPEAKER_00There's a big thing that happened recently that that messed with me, and even though the issue got resolved, even yesterday making and editing a video and stuff, I was up in my head more than I've ever been about that I don't want people living in my head, but I couldn't kick them out, and it sucked. It really sucked.
SPEAKER_02We're gonna come back to that. Uh Drew says, I've recently been a target of negative, unconstructed comments, and being someone that's new to so many aspects and trying to build a new life or some for myself, it's gotten to me more than I thought. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna tell you like there's nothing wrong with you if you feel that way. If these things get to you, because you are human, and the weird part about deciding to create content on the internet is that there is no training, there's no prep, there's no, there's there's no source of like this is what you should do in this case, or this is why you're feeling the things that you do. And for some reason, like for some reason, especially for people who also don't create themselves, because I feel like if you've put yourself out there, you get it. But if you haven't, then you're you know, more inclined to just like armchair quarterback it. Yes, exactly. Um, and I'm sorry you're going through that, but I I what I will also say is that I do feel like it's inevitable for everybody who's creating content on the internet. If it hasn't happened yet, it will just because the internet is allowed and angry place.
SPEAKER_00It is allowed and angry place.
SPEAKER_02That's why I also do feel like it's worth conversation because it's like it's gonna happen if it hasn't already. And I remember like it being a rite of passage. Like, okay, right, you've gotten to a point where your videos and whatever content you create are not just going to your friends and family that you told word of mouth. You know, like now YouTube is starting to push it out to people who have no idea or no connection to who you are. So, with all those strangers who dig your content are also going to be people who probably don't.
SPEAKER_00That's what Nick said right there.
SPEAKER_02Nick Lewis, the thing is that as you go viral and your channel grows, YouTube starts testing your content to different people. A lot of those aren't going to like you, so it gets worse before it gets better.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean that that you know that is definitely part of it. It's just the the urge of those people to have to say something about it, is where it's like, you just don't say anything about it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, Drew says that's one of the reasons I've been missing my consistency in posting.
SPEAKER_00Because that's the thing, too, is people will sit will try to offer constructive feedback, but it's like, in your case, you said it was not constructive, but even if it were, if it's not something you want to hear right now, it's not it's destructive. Like, there's a very big difference between like, you know, I don't know, walking up to someone and saying, like, hey, look at the clothes I'm wearing. What should I change? What should I, you know, what should I fit or fix in my outfit? And then you just walk out the door and somebody says, like, man, that shirt sucks. You should choose this. This look like you're like, Whoa, I was not in no, I wasn't asking for that right now. From you. Even though it could be the same advice of like, oh yeah, okay, maybe change this or have it fitted different or something.
SPEAKER_02It's like um, also action crypto, super chat, five bucks, small insignificant people only feel better about their miserable lives when they put others down. Avoid the Tom B stick to ah, you're so sad. Yeah, and and I know this, we know this, we know it's a reflection of the person. Still hurts though, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh where did I go? Oh, here we go. Uh Jack says, selling out is fine. Do whatever you want to make money, it is a business. And that's the thing. So, like, even if I even if I were to sell out one, why does it bother you? And two, if it bothers you, just leave.
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, I completely like pitch-just leave, like, I don't get it. I pitched uh some sponsorship ideas to Rhode last week. I don't know if they'll say yes or not, but it was like, you know what? Um obviously, like, I like the products, I use them a lot, they've been a part of my channel. But if people are gonna like sit here and tell me, like, oh, you're getting paid to do this, like, why not? Sure. How about I get paid to do this then? Like, why not?
SPEAKER_02Uh we got another one from Drew. 499. Thank you for being positive. Voices in this loud, angry place sometimes. You two are awesome. Thanks, Drew.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It's very frustrating.
SPEAKER_02But you're not the only one. Uh out in the wild, anyone get satisfaction in sarcastic remarks, or is that something to avoid?
SPEAKER_00Like leaving them or finding them. Well, here's here's sarcasm does not translate well.
SPEAKER_02How you yeah. How you like take action or not take action in response to a comment is like a whole separate thing. Because of course you could ignore it, you could block it, you can respond, you can engage, um, and you know, totally depends.
SPEAKER_00I've never um responded and thought it was a good idea afterwards.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Me too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I I mean you've had situations where people did come back and kind of change their tune a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because I try, I always try to like the person who was like, you know, you talk with your hands or whatever. I actually I like responded and then this went on for a while. Yeah, they responded back, and then I was like, great, here we go. And then, but actually, like they came around, you know, they were like, Oh, I understand.
SPEAKER_00I mean, most of the time when you when you sit down with one-on-one with someone, you can find some common ground.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because uh, like I don't care if that makes me a cheesy, optimistic, cringy person, but I believe that we have more in common than we do not. Like, I will always give people the benefit of the doubt. And maybe it's because I have like I'm happy, right? Like, I'm not I don't project like negativity to people, but that's why I also would never leave a comment like that. Like if something really bothered me, I would just go. Like, I Kat says, we care more about the comments that we are sensitive to in some way, not the blatantly ridiculous.
SPEAKER_00If you're yeah, if you're you know wondering about something or you're feeling insecure about something, or you're on the fence creatively, and then somebody just like just pokes at it, even if they're wrong, it stings.
SPEAKER_02Young Joey says, I don't think people realize the amount of hard work that creators do, though, and haters watch three seconds of our third 30-minute work and drop such hateful words like uh well that and like it's also like years of work because yes, it's it's like watching the 30 seconds of you know the 10-minute video that took 30 minutes of work, but also to make that video that you're watching was thousands of other videos that had to be made first, you know. So that's why it is like right.
SPEAKER_00I had somebody say something about I've been doing some artless like 60-second integrations to videos recently, and I had somebody say, like, I can't believe they pay you that much for a minute of work. And it's like, well, it's a minute in the final video, but the the the amount of time making that minute was more than one minute, believe it or not, but also getting to making something to a point where there's something where somebody even cares at all to pay for a minute of it.
SPEAKER_02Like it took work to get to that point, it's not just like they came up to him randomly on the street and was like, I'll pay you to make it.
SPEAKER_00Go start a YouTube channel right now and make one video and put it like no. You like creating the thing that's valuable enough to do it.
SPEAKER_02And I know that that person understands that, but for some reason, like they don't think about it. It's like, I don't know. Timothy says, I try to be positive and change the topic of conversation with said person.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Mr.
SPEAKER_02Cameron Junky, focus on the flowers, not thorns.
SPEAKER_00I mean, that that's very important, you know, if you're gonna be hurt by a negative thing when you see the positive stuff. Even if the if positive just means someone interacting with someone else in a kind, fun way, it's a cool thing to acknowledge that too.
SPEAKER_02Paul Duncan says constructive criticism criticism is different than an attack. The attacks get removed.
SPEAKER_00And that came from Mr. Moderator himself. So that's there you go.
SPEAKER_02Um, exactly. And I realize that people are busy and that and that are booked and have a lot going on. They don't really have time to leave crazy novel, like negative comments.
SPEAKER_00Right. What are you doing where you're writing literally five thousand words on this YouTube?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like if you care that much, then why like it you're still here? Like it obviously says more. About you because you are still here.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02If you if you like were happy, you would just go watch TV, go play video games, go eat something. Like, why? I just don't get it. Um, hate watch, yes. See, the world has eight billion people. I have one video, eight subscribers deleted already, two comments, and I don't care. No remember what they said. I can do this forever for all the world population. For what every the four watt thing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm really proud of that one.
SPEAKER_02Do you want to retell it?
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, so that's from today's video. I didn't know if anyone's gonna remember this because it's based on not an old song, but a not new song. Um, I did a video about lights today, and in it I talk about a 220-watt light and my criticism of the light. I think I what did I say? I do wish this were a 216-watt light, and I know that's very nitpicky, but I just think it would be great to turn down four watt.
SPEAKER_02That's actually pretty good.
SPEAKER_00That's a really good really good. Yeah, come on.
SPEAKER_02Uh Paul Duncan says, It drives me crazy. The people that complain and keep coming back only to complain. There are a lot of other channels out there.
SPEAKER_00Just go, just go, man.
SPEAKER_02I it's like it's like you go, so say you go to a restaurant and it gives you food poisoning, but you still keep going back there. Like, just don't go back.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, stop, stop doing that.
SPEAKER_02So, do you know how much work it takes to go back? But you you keep doing that on your own volition that you were doing that? Like, I don't, I don't know. Um, I just think that's just human nature. People do crazy stuff all the time because of jealousy and hatred, that just doesn't make any sense. Yeah, and and that's why like I I get that people are people, and you know, haters are gonna hate, whatever. We can't change that. That's always gonna be there. As it comes with the territory of creating on the internet, but also like how do we navigate the feelings that we have in response to seeing those things, right?
SPEAKER_00That's that's the key thing. Because you're not gonna you're never gonna stop people from doing that, and you're not gonna be able to avoid it. So, how do you handle it? Like, how do you manage it? Is a very, very important thing.
SPEAKER_02I want to show you guys something before we wrap up, but I'm trying to catch up with the comments. Um, yeah, okay, let's see. Um showing up while someone is live just to dislike their content makes zero sense to me. Just spend time with what you actually like and said. Well, I mean, it right there. That says so much more about you than it does about the creator.
SPEAKER_00Not you, but them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like that you would like you I feel bad for you, you know. Like that's you're gonna put it in your calendar so that you make sure that you're on the live stream that you don't want to watch just so you can dislike it. Like, what? Um, I see entire channels dedicated to bashing others. It's so crazy to put that type of energy into it.
SPEAKER_00See, like that that's the kind of stuff that like I people are people, and it's let's see it pays to like that's the unfortunate thing, too, of like negativity gets clicks. That's you know, that's why you see people say, like, even in the camera thing, like reasons not to get this camera, worst thing ever, worst whatever. And it's like, no, they're not gonna tell you it's the worst thing, don't buy it. But more people are gonna click on that than if they say, like, this thing's pretty cool. Like, even though that's the more accurate.
SPEAKER_02Ken says almost everyone talks with their hands, more or less. If you're not doing it, you're probably gonna get comments like, Are you a robot be yourself? Talk.
SPEAKER_00No, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't with everything like that.
SPEAKER_02Um, Ben says, We love you guys, keep on dancing. Thank you. Let's see. I used to think I was a king of dad jokes until I came across Tom Channel.
SPEAKER_00Dad jokes is how I roll.
SPEAKER_02Avars? I just got a few really negative comments, and none of authors had their own content on YouTube. Well, you know what? That is that is going to be how it is most of the time. Most of the time. Most of the people who leave comments like that, like I just I just want them to be like, come here. Come come to my studio, you make this video. Make it better than I would have. Make your own video. Come here, come here. If you know how to do it, come here and do it, you know? Like that's all I'm doing.
SPEAKER_00I love imagining the person just turning white and freaking out and like, wait, I need help. How do you do it?
SPEAKER_02Like, if you could do it better, do it.
SPEAKER_00Do it better. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You are doing nothing by coming over here and trashing the place. Like, go host your own party and make it better than mine. Cool. Um, why not get paid? This is our job. You do have to eat. And see, that's another thing. Because it's like it's like this guy, a sellout, the former high school teacher who is like supporting our two dogs and his wife. Like, I don't understand why that what is this lavish, luxurious lifestyle. Like educators are known for their lavish lifestyles. What like what are you what is the sellout? Like, what what is the sellout that you're so like you're that you're like imagining that, like, oh my god, this guy sold that like a lot of people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they backed up a dump truck full of money to our house.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like what do you think we're doing? I don't um I'm happy I have this comedian, the people I found on Twitter.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah. Everyone's talking about whether they respond or don't respond. Uh, we all do have more in common than not. The more you travel, the more you realize that. Yes. Um, if you have moderators, they can deal with the comments, remove them. That way the dirt isn't on the creator's hands. You just need to be clear with your mods. What isn't isn't acceptable.
SPEAKER_00I was moderating a live stream this morning, Paul, and I kept thinking of you because I had to keep like putting people in time out and stuff. And I was like, what would Paul do? Okay, this, this, this that's cute.
SPEAKER_02Um I have people complaining that my best performing video is too long. I don't respond, but in my head, I think, yeah, will 90k other folks disagree? Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Wait, wait. Uh I see Ono says my exception with today's video is that incandescents aren't really dangerous. I beg to differ after teaching with them in a high school setting for many years because they're not dangerous if you know how to use them. And if you don't know how to use them, they can be very dangerous uh because the amount of heat and the amount of like energy that goes out of them, the amount of times I had to stop high school kids from almost seriously burning themselves or burning the place down because of incandescent lights, which I was very happy that they just maybe I'm talking about halogen. No, whatever the ones were were like video lights that if you even put like a fingerprint on it, the bulb would explode. Um those aren't that fun to deal with. LED lights, way better. But in the hands of a trained professional, no, they're totally safe. Okay, so how do you want to um uh well if you stay to the end, here you go. So I don't know. This this this is something that I didn't know if we were gonna bring up or not. And ultimately, it's probably a good thing. Ultimately, I wish it was someone else's thing to bring up, but it's not.
SPEAKER_02So Tom doesn't want to bring it up. I want to bring it up because I think it's interesting hearing it, hearing you can chime in, but I think it's interesting to hear this from someone who is married to the person that they are referring to.
SPEAKER_00So we're we're not gonna like give any specifics or anything. Um but something that happened about a week ago was uh somebody sent me a link to a podcast, and it was just like they mention you in this podcast, which that kind of thing has happened before where people say go in the video, and I and I might want to go, like, what did the person say to the video? Yeah, um, like there was a funny one recently where uh somebody said, like, oh, you're in this person's video about a pod mic or whatever, and I I went and checked out the video, and he was like, Oh, yeah, I watch this on Tim Buck's channel. Um, and he put a leap when he said it in the video, like Tom popped up real quick because he had misspoken. Uh, and I thought that was really funny. And the video was really great. So I I was like, Oh, yeah, like this is an awesome video, thank you. And then he replied and was like, Hey Tim. Yeah, and it and as we're wrapping up the stream, definitely Mike's videos in the description are worth watching or at least listening to. Um, because he takes some pretty heavy concepts and breaks them down really clearly. And if you've ever just sort of, if you've ever been somebody who's been affected by language in some way, which is probably most of us, it might be a good thing to listen to.
SPEAKER_02I often try to remember that life is a game, and when I forget this, I take things to heart and it triggers me. YouTube comments is the number one place that can trigger me. Yeah. See, and like that makes me feel um, I know better is not the right word, but Mihaul, uh, someone of your like experience who has done so many talks and like so much training and coaching that you can still be triggered by a YouTube comment makes me feel like okay, I'm not I'm not alone, you know, because even like a pro, someone I really admire, also can be bothered. Thanks everybody. Thanks for all the really nice things. I I I don't, you know, we're reading them, but also like I want it to come off, it's like stroke our ego because it's not like it's not the fishing for compliments. It's not it's not that, but but thank you though.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, definitely check out Mike's videos in the um in the description to this. And if you want to go check out um the most recent episode of my podcast, the reason I'd recommend it is because I do kind of outline some practical things you can do um to kind of help, like just to sort of help a little bit. I think that's about it. I think it's time to clear the old table here.
SPEAKER_02Yep. Thanks for tuning in.
SPEAKER_00All right, so thank you for being here. Appreciate it very much. Hope you have a safe, happy, healthy, fun rest of your week, and we will see you next time.
SPEAKER_02Bye, everybody.